Bittersweet

It's kind of a sad week for me.  I'm weaning Camden.  I breastfed this boy for 12 long, hard, painful, and determined weeks.  But even after all this time, after pumping, and creams, medications, nipple culture, milk culture, and lots of trips and calls to the lactation consultant, I am still having issues.  I finally realized that I have been pushing myself despite the fact that it's only "not that bad" 20-30% of the time.  And it's been fine, even good, maybe 5% of the time.  The rest of the time it's toe curling, cry my eyes out pain.  And during that time Camden is still drinking blood and spitting it back up.

No one will ever be able to tell me that I didn't try.  I literally put blood, sweat and tears into nursing my baby.  I have peace that I'm making the right choice for everyone, but I'm sad because it also means that Camden does not have to depend solely on me.  And I've failed at nursing for the third time.

UPDATE:
I nursed Cam for the last time this past Sunday, May 29th.  He had the last of my pumped milk the following Tuesday.  And now he seems to be struggling with the formula.  He's been constipated and gassy, spitting up a lot and frequently, and refuses to eat like before.  Please pray that we are able to figure this out soon!!